satisfaction

I was reading a post by a blogger when i realized that her choices of song at her mixpod itu selalu menepati my citarasa.  Maybe sebab kitorang ni sebaya kot.  Kanak2 seperti me_cnor, cikSecretary dan pnAcc memang confirm takkan enjoy lagu2 tu.  PK pun mesti tak minat punya, maklum la, dia kan lebih berumur...hahaha.  Anyway, sambil berjiwang2 tumpang dengar lagu orang ni, baik la i hapdate sikit.


I'm in a midst of finishing a project which started almost a year ago.  My input bukannya besar mana pun, tak penting pun.  It's a book, an atlas.  I'm supposed to put together everything in place, with my own creativity yang tak seberapa ni.  I love doing it, walaupun sebenarnya idak le canggih mana output dia tapi since i did it from scratch, so when i look at the test print sample, rasa syok gila, rasa macam nak sengih dari telinga ke telinga.  When i flipped the pages, baru i sedar yang i tersalah bagi file kat apek tu, it wasn't the latest updated version.  But it didn't spoiled my excitement, tak sabar rasa nak tayang kat opis.


Kenapa yang i beria sangat?  Kalau nak diikutkan, bukannya ada tulis nama i pun dalam buku tu.  Bukannya dapat apa pun.  Takde sapa pun tau what's my contribution.  No one knows why i chose this photo instead of that, no one knows that some maps and most of the diagrams are drawn, bukannya simply cut & paste dari mana2.  So, after all the hardwork, di saat2 last ni i memang agak degil sikit especially when the comments i received adalah melibatkan benda2 cosmetic je.  I was very open during the whole process, i was hoping to get some constructive comments from the beginning, kalau sekarang baru nak gitu gini benda2 remeh sori la i nak layan, lain la bab2 technical kan.  Anyway, i've learned something valuable.  Satisfaction.


Setiap orang ada cara masing2 untuk rasa puas hati.  Ada orang senang nak satisfy dengan apa yang dia buat, ada orang cukup cerewet.  Ada orang, pakai baju kelawar dengan selipar dah boleh jalan sampai Tesko.  Ada orang, kena pakai gaun kembang lipstik merah mata biru mascara bagai dengan kasut tumit baru boleh keluar rumah.  I think i'm in between both.  Not easy to be satisfied, but not expecting too much perfection.  Everything needs to be aligned - yes, but if  left aligned looks better, then it doesn't have to be justified.  Kalau pakai sandal lebih selesa, kenapa perlu paksa diri terkedek2 pakai heels walaupun kekadang teringin jugak nak berangan tinggi cam model kan?  Kadang2 imperfection  lah yang menyebabkan satu2 benda tu unik, menarik and ada nilai seni & kreativiti...cewahhh!  PK, i know u have something to mengumpat about this!


The truth is, i think when you do things yang melibatkan imagination and creativity,  it is best that you do it on your own without constant interference from anything or anyone.  Contohnya, kalau kena buat hantaran, you wouldn't want someone else to buy the flowers etc; sebab, nanti orang tu beli bunga kaler purple, manik kaler gold, padahal what you've already drafted in your mind is a yellowish theme.  Tak ke lari tema tu?  If it's not your wedding, maka boleh la tahan lagi kan; if it's yours?  


When involving others (especially yang berumur), it is hard to express your own idea, especially if it's not the norms.  You may think that right aligned paragraph might bring fresh look to your idea, tapi jangan harap la senang2 orang nak terima.  You may want to put huge, gigantic flowers yang saiz setiap kuntum lebih besar dari kepala sendiri as decoration on your table; what do you think makcik2 akan kata?   Tak sesuai la, tak cantik la, tak pernah orang buat la... Yes, it might look weird, memang takde orang buat, mungkin jugak tak sesuai; but, why not give it a try?  Give the freedom.  Kalau cantik, kita pun boleh buat jugak; kalau nampak hodoh, at least semua orang dah puas hati, kan? 


We are all restricted by the 'norms'.  Apa yang lain dari kebiasaan tu tak semestinya tak elok.  Let loose of yourself.  Some people are also bound by perfection; but I think too much perfection kills our creativity.  In the end, what we really hope is true satisfaction.  Apa ada pada nama; there's something deep inside of you, the thoughts of it would bring smile to your face... that, is satisfaction.

cerita orang lain

Imagine this.  A single mom with three teenagers, has a few male chatting friends, and is dating/meeting those men.  Anything wrong with the picture?


Nothing is wrong since she's single.  She has her right to chat with anyone; male or female.  She might be lonely; let's assume that all her kids are grown up, living elsewhere or studying, so she needs someone to talk to.  She's free to date or meet anyone.


But, what if the men she's dating are married?  Ask me and my answer is 'no'.  She has no right to date any man who has wife and children waiting at home.  She has no right to act like teenagers, to meet any man in the middle of the night, to take couple photos or to get excited about the date.  That's all meant for teenagers, for her children.


I'm a bit traditional bab2 cenggini.  I won't let myself mess up dengan laki orang.  If i have kids, i won't let my kids watch me giggling over the phone macam budak2 tingkatan satu baru belajar subjek sains.  What if diaorang rasa keluar malam and balik after midnight is not wrong, regardless dengan kawan laki atau pompuan.  What if the photos i took terlepas kemana2.  Who knows, henpon tu terhilang ke, yang jumpa henpon tu pulak sepupu kepada bini laki tu.  Buatnya tangan dia gatal godek2 gambar dalam tu.  Buatnya dia tunjuk kat bini orang tu...ohhhh, that's too much to imagine.


I don't understand.  Sometimes i think single ladies would have better judgment than single parent.  Single ladies mean single la kan, yang tak pernah and not currently mempunyai husband.  I'm not saying all of them behave the same, i know some are good, devoted mom.  Cuma lately, macam selalu je terjumpa (terjumpa kat pesbuk, terdengar, terjumpa face-to-face ...etc) dengan perempuan macam ni.  Adakah once you have a husband maka if your husband leaves you maka macamana sekalipun you need to have a man with you?  Does flirting satisfies your needs?  Ataupun it's a kind of revenge?  Maybe you need to show off to your ex bahawasanya you masih lagi laku?  I think that's the main reason kot.  Mungkin sebab rasa sakit hati kena tinggal, especially if kena tinggal sebab dia ada perempuan lain.  So, untuk puaskan hati sendiri, or more likely to prove to your own self that ada laki lain yang boleh ganti tempat dia.  Well, why not?  Kalau betul yakin that you'll have delightful life ahead dengan adanya sorang laki, then go ahead.  Tapi, boleh tak don't act as if you are 17, and please be a little bit choosy, jangan la husband orang...


Siapakah yang i maksudkan?  hahhahaa.....  ada la !!!

baked, baking

I used to love baking.  Sila take note...past tense tu tau.  I remembered the first time i baked was when i was in standard 3, or maybe 4.  We were preparing to go somewhere or maybe preparing for something.  Disebabkan my mother tak sempat nak buat segala benda sendiri, maklum la, adik2 pun kecik lagi maka i was ordered to hold the mixer (we don't have stand mixer at that time) for the first time.  Since then, maka whenever she wants to bake, i'll help her prepare the ingredients, the baking pan etc sampai la i boleh buat kek sendiri from A to Z.  The only cake we made at that time is marble cake or as we call it, kek belang bodoh.  The cake is not 'stupid', cuma looking at the various fancy cakes we have nowadays, that kek belang seems tersangatlah ordinary.


Starting from that moment, setiap kali nak buat kek maka i'll be the one in charge.  I had no other choice, kena jugak buat sebab kalau tak sapa lagi nak tolong kan.  I started to venture into other kind of cakes.  Jumpa je resepi kat majalah i akan cuba. Tak pernah pulak rasa takut kek tu tak habis sebab apa benda pun yang dibuat kat rumah tu mesti habis.  Even until now, agaknya kalau buat kek bubuh rempah kari pun habis agaknya.


My mother rajin buat kuih untuk minum petang.  That was dolu2, zaman dia rajin, zaman kitaorang semua kecik2 lagi.  Sekarang dia masih lagi buat but not regularly.  Dia sangat suka buat kuih berulang2 kali.  Musim dia buat kuih apam, maka berhari2, berminggu2 la kitaorang kena makan apam.  Time kat rumah ada banyak pisang, maka berhari2 la kitaorang kena makan benda berasaskan pisang.  But the good thing is, dia rajin mencuba, and i think dulu2 (perlu ditekankan...dulu2 tau), i jugak rajin mencuba sebab dia tak pernah kesah kalau apa yang kita buat tu jadi ke tak.  Percaya tak, i dah pandai kelim karipap masa skolah tadika tau...hahahha.


Kitaorang pernah tinggal kat Jasin.  It was a small town at that time, sekarang pun kecik jugak kan.  At that time cuma ada satu je pasaraya, itu pun kalau zaman sekarang ni kita panggil kedai runcit je kot.  My mother teringin sangat nak buat pie.  Of course la kat Jasin tu takde jual pastry margerine.  We went to bandar Melaka, pun takde jugak jual.  It was really frustrating.  So, throughout the years we live at Jasin tu, takde la boleh kitaorang makan benda2 fancy sikit.


Berbalik kepada topik baking tadi.  I saw a carrot cake recipe in the newspaper.  Gambar kek tu tersangatlah menarik.  Tetiba rasa macam berkobar2 pulak nak buat kek tu.  I bought all the things needed.  I went from the bakery supplier to the Gergasi, to Tesko sampai dua kali sebab i lupa barang yang nak dibeli.  I planned to do it at home, tapi tak jadi sebab i tak tau mana peginya penimbang, nak main agak2 je cam tak best plak.  So, lepas pegi rumah PK, off i went to my parents place.


So, inilah hasilnya.  Doesn't look very impressing kan, but believe me, sedap tau....hahahha!