Rangga & Kiki

I've been dragging myself to write this post.  It's always about heartbreaking news.  This is no different.  The reason why I have to post this is because I want to remember the dates.  I will never forget them for sure, but I know I have to put the date somewhere.  So, here is the best place.


Rangga :

He left us on 17 March 2014.  He was sick right after Cha left us.  Only ate canned food, but never loses his appetite until the last day.  He was very strong.


Kiki

Kiki left us on 25th march 2014.  He was my family's cat.  He came together with his brother Bubu, who left us earlier.  

I'm not going to elaborate about them.  A friend told me that I'm 'cengeng' - kuat nangis.  So, that's what I'm trying to avoid.  Lagi banyak I tulis, I will definitely cry.  

Every memory stays with me.  They will always be loved and missed. (*ni pun dah start nangis..!)

Cha

I lost another family member on thursday, 19th december 2013.  Cha was quite week the week before.  Her condition became worse each day. She barely eats anything.

Cha was a very soft type. She wasn't the kind who would jump up out of a sudden, she never involved in any fights. She would always come whenever I called her. Despite all of her softness, she fell from the balcony twice, and she never scratches her paws causing her nails to grow long and needs to be trimmed by the doctor. 

We always want the best for our love ones. Be it human or pets. Problem is,  we don't know what's the best for them. When I knew Cha was sick, I do not know if sending her to the clinic was a good option. I've lost two cats before. Both died at the clinic. I'm not blaming the clinic or anything like that. But I know that with their age, soon it's about time to let go. Seeing them stuck with the iv makes me sad. I know they'll be stressed out; sick and being in unfamiliar place. I let Cha be in the environment that she's used to - at home together with the rest of her family.

I felt guilty each day as I walked up the stairs to my apartment - not knowing whether I'd see her alive or not.  It was after maghrib that day, I went out of my room and I saw her with quite heavy breath. I knew it's about time. I held my tears as I told her how much we all love her. I didn't cried, not until the next day - and now, while I'm writing this.

I know I've done the best I could and I'm sure she had good life. She will always be remembered.

That's how she always held her hands..

Hold On

Hold On - Sarah McLachlan

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on
Hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing
My love
you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you
my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I...
at the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face
Oh god if you're out there won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
oh god the man I love is leaving
won't you take him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing
Now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face...
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell 

Telepon bijak - part 2

i utang a post on 'telepon bijak-part 2'.  Coincidentally, this situation seems to fit the title.

My car was 'kissed' by another car last friday.  Luckily it was just the plate number.  I was calmed, no shouting or cursing involved, just some accusation that she was using her phone while driving - and it turned out to be true.  The front part of her car was badly damaged.  It must have cost her a lot to repair those.  I changed the plate number the next day and sent her the receipt via whatsapp.  She promised to pay me when she came back from outstation - and she did yesterday. 


Years back, di zaman2 mula kerja; i had a colleague yang selalu tolong orang kat hiway.  He said that dia hope satu hari nanti if anything happened to him atas jalan maka ada yang akan tolong dia.  I remembered that until today.  Whenever i saw nails on the road, i would always pick and throw them far away.  Of course i don't want it to punch my tyre, but i also hope that it won't punch anyone else's car.


So that day, i said to myself that i'm not gonna be hard on her.  One day, it might happen to me, and i don't want anyone to be shouting at me. 


We (PK and me) use phone all the time while driving.  Tengok pesbuk, instagram, youtube bagai.  I still think that the best time to talk over the phone is while driving.  Cuma masalahnya, i never use handsfree.  The moment i open the box bila beli handphone baru, my eyes would always be glued on the phone, not the accessories; hence the reason why they were always tossed away together with the box in some drawer or under the bed.  Nowadays, with PK's increasing time of sleeping time in the car, i'm often left with half eyes open while driving.  Singing is a good way to kill that sleepy mode.  Tapi kan, lama mana sangat la kita  boleh nyanyi sorang2.  Lain la kalau ada orang tepuk tangan lepas setiap kali kita habis nyanyi.  Bersemangat la sikit kan.  Anyway, googling and reading statuses are absolutely good to wake you up.  Macam2 orang post kat pesbuk, and waktu tu jugak la u think is the best time to tengok.  Kat rumah idak le pulak nak belek sangat benda2 tu, maklum la ... kat rumah kan banyak lagi urusan rumahtangga which needs our attention.  Anak2 buat sepah, nak sapu mop lantai segala.  Mana sempat nak belek2 status bagai.  Oh btw, a friend asked me before how i spend my 'lonely' nights (she put it that way, not me!) - tak kan tengok pesbuk je?  I have tempted to say these : First, my nights aren't 'lonely'.  I got tired clearing and cleaning the house that by the time i finish, i can barely open my eyes anymore.  So i don't have time to feel lonely.  Second, pesbuk isn't my favorite way to kill my time.  I have wayyy more interesting things to do.  But, since she's in errr... quite unstable state of mind, maka i decided to just ignore and told her that it is not a bad situation at all being alone.  I don't know if i can convince her.


Anyway, the lady told me that it was also her heels that caused the minor accident.  Kesimpulannya, do not pegang phone, or do not pakai heels, or do not eat, drink, sing, talk or anything that can distract you if you are the type yang kena ada full concentration semasa driving.


Sekian :)

Telepon bijak ...part 1

There are so many reasons to be grateful about having a telefon bijak.  One situation is just like what I'm in right now.

I'm stuck in perkampungan jagung; looking at the screens for the 2nd day now. With no refreshments (...haha...logik ke diorang bg refreshments? ) & no Internet access. My data package sucks here. Gila boring.  We're looking at the same data again and again. I even hv them downloaded to my thumb drive. What else can be done?

Now... if only I brought newspaper to read. Boleh le jugak menambah ilmu pengetahuan.  If only I brought my netbook.  Boleh le jugak tengok series movie segala.  Habis bosan pun boleh main solitaire!  Nasib baik ada telepon bijak, bleh jugak belek pesbuk.  I even add the statistic to the youtube viewer of this young lady; kanak2 sekolah sebenarnya... who uploaded a video to dedicate anniversary wish to her 1week old boyfriend.  I nak komen banyak2 pun kang nanti ada orang kata..."u xde bf, apa yg u tau.." ohh well, good luck to her!  I hope she won't regret her actions bila dia tengok balik video tu 10 years later.

Apart from her immature action tu, I think she has good values. She speaks well. Read somewhere that dia ni wakil pidato.  No wonder pandai bercakap, takde pun gagap2.  kalau i yang cakap tu harus berterabur. She'll be a good politician one day if she chooses to be one. Janji2 dah pandai buat dah. That's what it takes to be a good politician kan?  She's also creative. I wouldn't even think or dream to make a video for anyone. Ho lah..bukan nak ucap happy anniversary je, ucap happy birthday ke, selamat berpuasa ke.  Habis creative pun agaknya I buat kad birthday sendiri. Itu pun kena pinjam crayon dari PK; sapa lagi kalau bukan artis k-pop kecik tu punya.

Oohhhh... I just saw emnasir lalu!  Hmmm...anyway, getting back to the issue tadi; I believe that cuma perempuan yang akan buat benda2 cenggitu.  I don't think lelaki akan buat video bagai. They are born to manipulate. Perempuan (not all) tend to be less rational, hence senang dimanipulate oleh lelaki.  I'm saying this not to condemn my own species; maybe it's in the genes. No matter how you avoid, at one point it will happen. Jadi la bijak macamana pun, everyone ada jugak tahap tak bijak dia. Just like telepon bijak, at some point sebijak mana sekalipun it was semasa zaman glory dia, when new technology comes, maka idak le dia bijak mana pun...

Oh well...I have to sambung this again.  This is so not finished yet...haha!

*note : Posted after about 2 weeks duduk dalam draft!

Sunset

 

 ...even without the signs, I feel lucky enough to be able to enjoy the beauty...

hidup penuh ketakutan

I should've updated this lonnnggg time ago.  But the frustration of the situation keeps holding me back.  Alasan!


One morning, just days after AJ's death, I got a letter from my neighbors.  It was inserted to my car wiper. Whoever wrote the letter told me not to feed the stray cats at the parking space anymore.  They/he/she said that the food had attracted not only cats but ants, squirrels and birds.  And, not only those tiny animals; they fear that it'll also attract snake.  They said that the cats are leaving their poops outside their doors. The same night, an indonesian maid of one of my neighbors knocked my door and started crying telling me that she is not allowed to feed the cats anymore.  She's been feeding the cats with leftover foods.  I was hurt from the letter i got that morning, and now i have to comfort her uncontrollably sobbing.  She left after few minutes.  I promised to always put some cats' food in my letter box so that she could just grab and give it to cats whenever she could.  Just after she left, one of the security guard came and hand me a memo which i had to sign and return a copy.  It was really too much for me to handle in a day.  I cried hysterically.


Somehow whatever happened that day had changed me.  It had altered not only my daily routine; but it had caused a negative shift of  my view towards those people. I am in constant fear all the time.

1.   Everyday I woke up just before 5 am and tip toed downstairs to find the cats.  I was informed by the maid that the guard's routine walk is at 5; so to avoid them, now i wake up at 4am.  I'd look down to make sure that the area is clear before i start my mission.  The cats now know the routine, so they'll be alert when they hear my footsteps.  Sometimes i had to turn my way around when suddenly a car passes by; or the indian car washer is around.  I had to climb up the stairs and wait for a while before going down again.

2.  It was really painful at first to ignore the cats when they came running to car whenever i came back.  I had to turn my face away and started walking as fast as i could so that no one can see me with the cats.  Now, they are starting to understand.  They won't come near the car when i started the engine in the morning.  Perhaps they are already full by the 4am food. Lately, the schedule changed.  They keep running to car again!

3.  I'd turn off the aircond and radio before i reach my parking in order to avoid the noise.  I hope the cats wouldn't notice the sound of my car approaching the parking.  I'd make sure that i reach house when it's already dark.  As my car approaches the place, i'd make sure which house has the lights turned on so that there's no head popping out out the windows.  Ye...bunyi macam pompuan psycho kan.

4.  I always have something in the car to pretend that i have to walk to the rumah sampah or basically a place where we dump all our rubbish.  At the back of the tong sampah is where i feed the cats.  I came back one day and saw the maintenance guy at the place.  I pretended to walk upstairs, ignoring the cats.  When i looked down to the place from my room, i saw something protruding from the bumbung of the place.  I still haven't figured out if it's a cctv or a downlight.  But, i try to avoid walking underneath it; just in case.  I do not want them to caught me if it's a cctv.  Anyway, PK confirmed that it's not.  And i don't feed them over there anymore.  There's a new place introduced by the maid.

5.  I hate my neighbours more than ever.  They are all "Cha" - so secara tak langsung; they've turned me into a racist.  Lantak la.  I even cursed that they'll all burn in neraka forever, hope that they'll all soon die of heart attack, ada ular datang patuk and all kind of weird things.  Indirectly jugak; it had caused me to think very carefully who to vote in the GE.  Masalahnya  all the candidates are either Cha or In.  Well, dah menang dah pun. 


It's not a very comforting situation.  I hate the whole situation. Sentiasa kena berjaga2 -  i have no freedom.  It's my money that i use to feed the cats; not theirs.  These FCs issue has been bothering me for months now.  Now with my brother not in KL i have another problem to take care of; i have no one to leave my FCs to.  Meaning no more holidaying for me.  Sangat tak suka okay...!