saya takde supir sekarang...

First time PK and me were separated ever since we knew each other was when she was assigned to Trondheim for two months. That was about errr...entah tahun bila? We were never separated that long before. At that time i was working at Kampar. I was left to take care of our FCs, which at that time was countless... our few cats, plus EncikD's cat who at that time was sick, plus the cats we fed outside our house, and also the cats outside my office. told you.....countless! They have different kind of foods, meaning i have to go to different places to get them. At that time, all the supplies came from Ipoh, about an hour drive from Kampar.


It was really challenging for me to cope with things at that time. I was often emotionally drained; i was grumpy most of the time. With my very limited ability to remember places and routes and ohhh...there were no GPS at that time ye...so, i had a map with me in the car. I also had a white board hung at the kitchen where i listed the dates when i bought which kind of food, so that i won't forget to replenish the supplies.


It was one of the period in my life that i wish not to be repeated. There were too many things at that time. Too many unpleasant things to be remembered. EncikD was sick at that time. I made an effort to visit him every wednesday night and saturday afternoon, although not as frequent as PK who visited him every single day from KL; but i do hope my presence at that time did cheer him a bit.


I lost Jebat about a week before PK came back from Norway. I am still sad. It was truly my fault letting him play outside with Poh. I lost both of them. I remembered buying watermelon to share with Jebat (dia memang makan buah) and when he didn't come back, i didn't even dare to look or throw the watermelon away, hoping so much that he'll come back. I still miss him. I lost many kittens at that time. Mostly because of flu. I couldn't cope with so many kittens at that time, and taking them to clinic was quite difficult since the nearest clinic is also at Ipoh. I still blame myself, i still hope i had done more to help them. I lost Lily, a beautiful black and orange soft furred kitten. I went to the clinic and asked for flu pills for her, with her exact age and weight. Her head was tilted the next day after i gave her the pills. She had epilepsy. I googled, joined an online support group because i didn't know what to do at that time. After about a couple of weeks, she passed away right after i prayed to God to take her away. It was a very emotional moment. I couldn't stand seeing her with so much pain. I still blame myself; the caused of the epilepsy was overdose. i should've brought her to the clinic.


I was very lonely at that time. I lived in Kampar alone; no friends around me, no colleagues nearby except for a chinese colleague who stays 10 km away. I had to depend on myself. I was lucky to have the FCs around. Poi never failed to accompany me to the office every midnight because that's the only time i can skype with PK. I felt guilty going back to KL leaving the FCs at Kampar. There were too many decisions to be made alone. I had to reorganize myself; which day to go where, which bills to be paid, which route to take; i had to be independent, and it was hard at that time since i was pretty much depending on PK to remind me of many things.


Now, after entah berapa tahun; PK was assigned to Trondheim again. This time she has EncikD and BabySJ with her. I am a very different person now. Maybe the environment is different; i now live on my own, at my own place, and my parents and family is just minutes away from me. I know they'll be around if anything happens to me. i think i can manage being alone nowadays. I had stomach infection (which is what i deciphered from the doctor who spent less than 5 minutes with his patient) the next day after PK was gone which caused me to stay at home for three days. I didn't even go to my parents place and no one knew. i know i can handle myself now, and i'm very proud of it. Not a big deal for others, i know... but hey, a big improvement for me


Moralnya di sini : macam2mana sekalipun kita ni berdikari, we still need people around us... and macam2mana sekalipun kita bergantung pada orang lain, we have to make ourselves ready, because in the end... we'll still be alone.

Saya yang sakit belakang

So, I am the one...datang tak la awal but always among the earliest to go back. I kan duduk jauh, anak pulak lapan belas...susah tu. Do I feel guilty? Yes, sometimes. But most of the time I know that I did everything I needed to do, and I know I did my work fast.


Working with one old man is challenging...imagine working with two. Both have their own ideas. Yang tersepit orang yang kat tengah2 ni. I was asked by the new junior; kenapa A & B macam so and so... Ahha...observant jugak budak ni. While B tries to make A seems like the bad guy; A pulak chose to work his own way without saying anything about B to the young interns.


I think dealing with people is the hardest thing to do. Computers won't say anything bad about you, nor will it bark at you back. Habis teruk pun hang, which is what usually happen to me. Maklum la, who am I to get a super duper power machine kan... I tried to make most of what I have, remove the partitions & make use of the external hardisk; actions which required the 'hardwork' of our IT person, aka 'bos tipu' CikSecretary & PuanSH. And today, after installing a new programme..it happened again. My half day work was gone. Sapa suruh tak save kan. Adakah saya rasa nak mengamuk? Surprisingly no. I was frustrated, yes. Maklum la, it was my first time using that software, so I spent many hours menggodek and straining my eyes, but I managed to stay calm. I told my friends & I dapat makan sekeping pizza, and I continued doing the work again..hehe.


Now, while waiting for PK to pick me up at the bus stop, I wish I have more energy to clean the house, mandi etc. I jugak teringat yang I promised my sister to send her things to my parent's place...supposed to do it yesterday..nampak gayanya hari ni pun tak jugak la kot ni. Hmmm...and I wonder if my mirror will be delivered tonight? ...i'm feeling tired already just thinking about the messy home...