more about the land beneath the wind

God created us as an individual; and He created many other individuals so that we can live together in a community.  Sometimes we tried our best to be as perfect as we could, we tried to do everything on our own; perhaps because of the guilt to trouble others, or ...just trying to prove to our own ego self.


The recent trip proved that however determined you are to do things your own way; you should never ignore others opinion, especially the ones yang dah lama makan garam.  There'll be moments when you don't agree, where you think that your idea is better; but we were taught to respect the eldest, and as part of a community we should  at least acknowledge others' opinion.


If i were to write pasal rasa ketidakpuasaan hati about the trip; my complain is only about my tolerance to the extremely hot weather.  My body seems to absorb the heat and until today it hasn't made it's way out, making me feels warm inside, like a hot water flask.  hmmmm...BUT, in terms of arrangements, i do have other complains.  Having MatBlurr as the team leader; i knew what to expect and what not (...predictable, prepared for, but wished it didn't happened..).  Ada masanya it was really frustrating, ada masa i tried to ignore and most of the time i managed to control my anger.  No point talking to a person who won't listen kan, sama macam cuba bagi kucing makan sayur...sniff then turn away.


Despite of our various reminders to him, i would conclude that dia ni ada problem with orders.  He can't take orders, or as our 'Pakcik' Instructor said; 'he's always trying to be different from others'.  Pakcik Instructor was trying to describe him a polite way; he's a patience man, unlike me...my way to describe MatBlurr is 'degil'.  Since he was trying to be a superman who thinks he can do everything on his own, maka i let him be.  Cukup la kot about my frustrations...cerita benda lain plak la kan.

Weather was really hot.  Imagine Perak (sorry ye, i always think that the hottest place i knew is Perak).  Sangat panas.  Since we were at the island above Borneo tu maka to go to outcrop memang kena naik bot.  The ride was bumpy in the afternoon, masa air pasang.  I'm not good with seas, so macam biasa i had to take the pills.  Luckily nothing embarrassing happened...hehe.

Food was tasteless.  Tapi tengok orang lain makan macam sedap je... maybe i sorang je yang cerewet kot.  Luckily i brought megi along.  But, foods at the island are great, pandai orang pulau tu masak compare to the ones at the land.  I managed to capture one photo of that guy over there sebelum di baham oleh sapa2.

There's a hut on the tree (kalau boleh nampak la kan...semak tu) & i managed to climb up tanpa merobohkan the whole structure...haha.

...and of course, life would've been less fun without FC...

some photos from negeri di bawah bayu

I was there; at the tip of Borneo

The sun rises early over there

A small jetty at Kudat

I was also at the island above Borneo

Panas gila beb...!

...and the sun certainly sets early too...

Of course, the photos would've been better dengan kamera pulas...(*hint...hint...!!)

butterflies in my stomach

Funny that when you have so many things to do, masa tu jugak la you rasa macam bersungguh2 nak tulis something.  Or, maybe i'm the only one yang macam tu.  Anyway, i was again forced to attend the boring friday meeting.  Ended up with more things to do while i thought my hands are already full and, i think i desperately need a break...


Never had i imagined that i'll be this panic for the next trip which is due next week.  Maybe sebab the team leader is MatBlurr kot.  My mind tak habis2 pikir...'what if itu...?', 'what if jadi macam ni..?'.  I've been to several trips before but alhamdulillah semua ok; but this time...it really gives me butterflies in the stomach; ni bukan sikit2 punya rama2 ni, a whole big bunch of them.  Can't wait for next week to end.  Kesian my FCs, kena tinggal lagi.  I do hope that everything's gonna be fine.  To my friends out there; kalau boring sila la give me a call; just to check if i'm still okay & tahap kesabaran masih terkawal...haha


p/s : will definitely update with cerita2 sensasi when i come back end of next week...i'm pretty sure banyak benda nak cerita ni ;P

the prayers

I wanted to write about this topic the moment i came back from airport lepas menghantar PK's family to umrah on friday; butttt...i was hesitating, plus malas, plus rasa bersalah sebab nak kena habiskan my stuff for the project with BapakProfesor.  Anyway, i was about to call it a day when PK called and told me she had a new entry.  Maka, i was deceived by her to on balik notebook and read her entry.  And so, here i am; instead of di buai mimpi2 indah, i'm now writing an entry on sunday night, and esok keje tauuu...how i wish esok cuti!


It's usual that orang2 yang pegi haji/umrah to pray for anak2, sedara mara & jiran tetangga yang memesan suruh doa for their health, wealth (ni PK!) etc.  I had never asked anyone to pray for me in front of Kaabah before.  Not even when my own parents went there, walaupun i guess they might've done it jugak walaupun i tak pesan.  The reason why i didn't ask to be prayed for bukan la sebab i rasa doa i sendiri mustajab ke apa; but being a shy, reticent person (wahahahha....) i couldn't bring myself to ask that favor.


I was so shocked when i met makC ie makcik PK the other day.  Belum sempat salam dia dah bersungguh2 mintak i tuliskan nama atas kertas.  I was wondering at first; apasal la tetiba mintak nama plak ni kan, then i understood that she wanted to doa for me.  I was actually so touched by kesudian makC to pray for me walaupun tak diminta.  Even my own aunty never asked for my full name, i doubt ada sesapa pernah sebegini beria nak doakan untuk i.  Anyway, since i was there untuk menghantar orang and not as a reporter ke apa, maka i don't have any pen or paper to write my name on.  Sambil2 berjalan nak pegi minum pun dia mintak lagi nama i; sambil duduk kat meja makan mintak lagi...at last i gave my full name to PK's cousin yang jugak merupakan anak kepada makC, yang jugak join rombongan tu.  Being a teacher, i trust she have the ability to memorise my name.  So, when it was about time to say goodbye, i told makC to ask her daughter for my name.  She mumbled something which i can hardly hear between her tears, which, made me cried jugak sebab i memang takleh tahan dengan orang yang menangis.


Well, i didn't ask her apa yang dia bersungguh nak doakan i tu; but i presumed that ini mesti ada kaitan dengan hal2 jodoh ni...Arghhh...i wish i have the guts to ask her to pray for my wealth instead....hahahha.  Ini kes yang sama dengan PK la ni kan.  To tell you the truth, takut pun ada jugak.  What if doa dia tu mustajab?  What if suddenly jodoh i betul2 sampai?  Would i be ready?  If i was given an option what to be prayed for; sebenarnya i've never thought of anything.  i don't really know what i want at this moment; but certainly, i've never worried about not having a life partner.  Not that i have everything i wanted in life; i know that my life may seems 'incomplete' di mata orang lain.  The 'incompleteness' tu differs between others view and mine.  Orang lain may see that the absence of someone beside me as something yang tak sempurna; which i understand is right.  I have yet to think that way, i don't want to throw the whole idea away walaupun semakin tua ni semakin banyak advice suruh jangan kawin...adakah sebab diaorang taknak i risau? or...diaorang faham yang i'll never get through the whole process without menyusahkan diaorang dengan cerita2 tak puas hati i terhadap my partner kemudian hari; just like what they are doing now? ...wahahahhaha


I guess i should thank everyone who cares and worries about me.  I knew that niat semua orang tu baik.  I hope mereka2 yang pegi umrah tu sihat dan balik dengan selamat nanti.  I might not be in KayEl when they come back nanti; but i do hope that rombongan tu idak le bertambah ahli...mana la tau ada pulak pak arab mana2 yang diaorang bawak balik nanti, kannnn....


mmm...i should sleep.  Esok keje.  PK tau apa, masuk kete je terus tido...!!! ;P

hari takde mood

I thought today's gonna be like other normal day.  It started off okay actually.  I was doing my work macam biasa when suddenly i was called for a meeting.  I asked MJ what's the meeting all about.  She mumbled something which i can't really understand.


Believe me, sungguh boring meeting tu.  It was all about marketing.  Tak semena2 i was included in the markerting group.  Nasib baik i wasn't assigned to meet sapa2, ajak2 makan, minum, golf, karaoke segala...that is absolutely not me.  For a person like me yang kalau berjalan tu menonong je, tak tengok kiri kanan, nampak school/classmate pun kalau boleh nak buat2 tak nampak; ada ke patut kena buat benda2 gini.  Ni yang nak marah ni.  Anginnnn je rasa hari ni.  Kalau tau baik i ponteng keje je hari ni, dah tentu selamat, kannn. 


Ni la yang buat mood hari ni lari.  I do hope by Monday my mood ni dah balik ke sediakala.  I do have things to do; so i desperately need the mood back.  mmm...jangan le my weekend ni spoil; i have langsir to jahit O-K.

my thoughts...

 

 Sila ambil perhatian; lagu & cerita di bawah tiada kaitan ye.


As much as i dislike driving; i do enjoy the moments whilst my hands are on the steering.  Driving often distract my mind from the road though my eyes are still fixed to the ever busy road of KayEl.  I often had the privilege (haha...) to be in my own world since PK cam biasa akan terus sambung tido after our breakfast on the way to work. 


Yesterday evening, after a long day at the conference; i was left alone driving sebab PK ada upacara makan2 with her colleagues.  I was struggling to make my way to the Mexpressway & had no one to make conversation with.  The busy traffic seems to make me wonder if i had made the right decision to drive instead of taking public transport.  I realised that we(..ke i'm the only one je gini?) frequently repeat the same mistake again and again. Ohh...this is not about my decision to drive yesterday; in fact nasib baik jugak i drove, saved my time & tenaga yang tak seberapa banyak tu. I sometimes repeat the same mistake walaupun i keep reminding myself not to.  I realised that by being in situation A will lead me to make decision B, thus putting me in a very dangerous position to make decision C, which most probably to be regretted later. Contohnya macam hari ni, i'm in a situation where i have to print something using the plotter. I realised that by asking MatBlurr to help me would probably make my blood pressure running high. I wouldn't want to print it myself sebab i memang tak berapa reti guna benda tu, takut membazir dakwat & kertas je (niat baik ni...).  Anyway, as predicted, i almost regret asking his favor sebab dia melilau kesana sini macam tak tentu hala.  Padahal kalau dia tolong send benda tu to printer dah tentu siap sekejap je.  I ni pulak la yang terkebil2 sebab nak print tak reti, paper kat plotter plak dah tukar, nanti ada pulak orang tersalah print atas tu. See; i should've known earlier yang asking his favor akan buat i susah, tapi i suruh jugak.  Tak ke memang my mistake gitu?  Padahal earlier in the morning i dah nampak dia termenung panjang kat meja dia; his screen blank and he was actually staring at his phone/meja (i tak tau apa yang dia stare) from the time he sat there until almost eleven.  Sapa tak panik kan?  I wanted to tegur but then i was also busy with my stuff so, biar je la he had his own sweet time thinking or talking to his invisible friend tu.


I wonder if there's anything i can do to myself since i'm usually prone to this salah silap yang predictable ni.  Otak i ni dah tak berapa fokus agaknya kot.  This is what i was thinking on the way back yesterday.  I have done many, many mistakes in my life.  Some stupid, silly, kelakar and some unforgivable.  But nevertheless, it was all done, there's nothing i can do to undone it.  What i have to do is just to live with it and pray hard not to repeat the unforgivable ones again.  Kalau jadi jugak then i guess it is just my fate and there's nothing more i can do to avoid it.  Berserah je...boleh ke gitu...?