the prayers

I wanted to write about this topic the moment i came back from airport lepas menghantar PK's family to umrah on friday; butttt...i was hesitating, plus malas, plus rasa bersalah sebab nak kena habiskan my stuff for the project with BapakProfesor.  Anyway, i was about to call it a day when PK called and told me she had a new entry.  Maka, i was deceived by her to on balik notebook and read her entry.  And so, here i am; instead of di buai mimpi2 indah, i'm now writing an entry on sunday night, and esok keje tauuu...how i wish esok cuti!


It's usual that orang2 yang pegi haji/umrah to pray for anak2, sedara mara & jiran tetangga yang memesan suruh doa for their health, wealth (ni PK!) etc.  I had never asked anyone to pray for me in front of Kaabah before.  Not even when my own parents went there, walaupun i guess they might've done it jugak walaupun i tak pesan.  The reason why i didn't ask to be prayed for bukan la sebab i rasa doa i sendiri mustajab ke apa; but being a shy, reticent person (wahahahha....) i couldn't bring myself to ask that favor.


I was so shocked when i met makC ie makcik PK the other day.  Belum sempat salam dia dah bersungguh2 mintak i tuliskan nama atas kertas.  I was wondering at first; apasal la tetiba mintak nama plak ni kan, then i understood that she wanted to doa for me.  I was actually so touched by kesudian makC to pray for me walaupun tak diminta.  Even my own aunty never asked for my full name, i doubt ada sesapa pernah sebegini beria nak doakan untuk i.  Anyway, since i was there untuk menghantar orang and not as a reporter ke apa, maka i don't have any pen or paper to write my name on.  Sambil2 berjalan nak pegi minum pun dia mintak lagi nama i; sambil duduk kat meja makan mintak lagi...at last i gave my full name to PK's cousin yang jugak merupakan anak kepada makC, yang jugak join rombongan tu.  Being a teacher, i trust she have the ability to memorise my name.  So, when it was about time to say goodbye, i told makC to ask her daughter for my name.  She mumbled something which i can hardly hear between her tears, which, made me cried jugak sebab i memang takleh tahan dengan orang yang menangis.


Well, i didn't ask her apa yang dia bersungguh nak doakan i tu; but i presumed that ini mesti ada kaitan dengan hal2 jodoh ni...Arghhh...i wish i have the guts to ask her to pray for my wealth instead....hahahha.  Ini kes yang sama dengan PK la ni kan.  To tell you the truth, takut pun ada jugak.  What if doa dia tu mustajab?  What if suddenly jodoh i betul2 sampai?  Would i be ready?  If i was given an option what to be prayed for; sebenarnya i've never thought of anything.  i don't really know what i want at this moment; but certainly, i've never worried about not having a life partner.  Not that i have everything i wanted in life; i know that my life may seems 'incomplete' di mata orang lain.  The 'incompleteness' tu differs between others view and mine.  Orang lain may see that the absence of someone beside me as something yang tak sempurna; which i understand is right.  I have yet to think that way, i don't want to throw the whole idea away walaupun semakin tua ni semakin banyak advice suruh jangan kawin...adakah sebab diaorang taknak i risau? or...diaorang faham yang i'll never get through the whole process without menyusahkan diaorang dengan cerita2 tak puas hati i terhadap my partner kemudian hari; just like what they are doing now? ...wahahahhaha


I guess i should thank everyone who cares and worries about me.  I knew that niat semua orang tu baik.  I hope mereka2 yang pegi umrah tu sihat dan balik dengan selamat nanti.  I might not be in KayEl when they come back nanti; but i do hope that rombongan tu idak le bertambah ahli...mana la tau ada pulak pak arab mana2 yang diaorang bawak balik nanti, kannnn....


mmm...i should sleep.  Esok keje.  PK tau apa, masuk kete je terus tido...!!! ;P