my thoughts...

 

 Sila ambil perhatian; lagu & cerita di bawah tiada kaitan ye.


As much as i dislike driving; i do enjoy the moments whilst my hands are on the steering.  Driving often distract my mind from the road though my eyes are still fixed to the ever busy road of KayEl.  I often had the privilege (haha...) to be in my own world since PK cam biasa akan terus sambung tido after our breakfast on the way to work. 


Yesterday evening, after a long day at the conference; i was left alone driving sebab PK ada upacara makan2 with her colleagues.  I was struggling to make my way to the Mexpressway & had no one to make conversation with.  The busy traffic seems to make me wonder if i had made the right decision to drive instead of taking public transport.  I realised that we(..ke i'm the only one je gini?) frequently repeat the same mistake again and again. Ohh...this is not about my decision to drive yesterday; in fact nasib baik jugak i drove, saved my time & tenaga yang tak seberapa banyak tu. I sometimes repeat the same mistake walaupun i keep reminding myself not to.  I realised that by being in situation A will lead me to make decision B, thus putting me in a very dangerous position to make decision C, which most probably to be regretted later. Contohnya macam hari ni, i'm in a situation where i have to print something using the plotter. I realised that by asking MatBlurr to help me would probably make my blood pressure running high. I wouldn't want to print it myself sebab i memang tak berapa reti guna benda tu, takut membazir dakwat & kertas je (niat baik ni...).  Anyway, as predicted, i almost regret asking his favor sebab dia melilau kesana sini macam tak tentu hala.  Padahal kalau dia tolong send benda tu to printer dah tentu siap sekejap je.  I ni pulak la yang terkebil2 sebab nak print tak reti, paper kat plotter plak dah tukar, nanti ada pulak orang tersalah print atas tu. See; i should've known earlier yang asking his favor akan buat i susah, tapi i suruh jugak.  Tak ke memang my mistake gitu?  Padahal earlier in the morning i dah nampak dia termenung panjang kat meja dia; his screen blank and he was actually staring at his phone/meja (i tak tau apa yang dia stare) from the time he sat there until almost eleven.  Sapa tak panik kan?  I wanted to tegur but then i was also busy with my stuff so, biar je la he had his own sweet time thinking or talking to his invisible friend tu.


I wonder if there's anything i can do to myself since i'm usually prone to this salah silap yang predictable ni.  Otak i ni dah tak berapa fokus agaknya kot.  This is what i was thinking on the way back yesterday.  I have done many, many mistakes in my life.  Some stupid, silly, kelakar and some unforgivable.  But nevertheless, it was all done, there's nothing i can do to undone it.  What i have to do is just to live with it and pray hard not to repeat the unforgivable ones again.  Kalau jadi jugak then i guess it is just my fate and there's nothing more i can do to avoid it.  Berserah je...boleh ke gitu...?