liberte d'expression

I'm writing this in a mix kind of feeling.  Nak kata marah, tak jugak...suka, tak jugak... I just need to express whatever things that's been bothering me.


Semakin lama kerja (dalam erti kata lain....makin tua) i tend to appreciate more of my own time.  Tak kira la i spend it dengan siapa or just melepak sesorang kat rumah.  My time is my own private thing yang i prefer if no one question as to how i spend it. 


I'm the type yang akan berlari keluar dari opis secepat yang boleh.  I don't linger in the office more than i think i should.  I'll definitely stay if i have to tapi kalau kerja tu macam suam2 kuku je...meaning it can wait; and takde orang yang akan mati tercekik or berasap kepala kalau i tak siapkan waktu tu jugak...so i won't stay.  I bukan la berkira tentang opis hour ni...kalau berkira of course le i akan datang awal kannn...hehe; but i don't find it necessary to stay kalau takde kerja, kalau nak chatting/email/berkebun etc, i can always do it at home; and i definitely don't mind kalau orang lain nak buat...masing2 punya suka.  My era of staying back, doing things in the office semua dah berlalu.  I'd rather habiskan my time meredah jam and try to be at home secepat yang mungkin where i can find my peace of mind.  I might not even rest straight away; but whatever i do after work is not to be questioned by anyone yang i tak consider interested but instead asked to criticized.


Cnor told me that Bini telah bising2 sebab we all (me, Cnor & mc#2) balik awal last Friday.  I admit that we went out about 7 minutes early last friday.  It was CNY mood kannnn....and lagipun we WERE supposed to go back early, cuma si Golumn pendek tu kept the permission to himself.  So, kami2 yang tau ni terpaksa la buat2 tak tau & memendam rasa nak balik awal walaupun jiran2 company adik beradik lain semua dah tutup kedai.  I la yang dibebelnya kan, datang lambat dari dia tapi hari2 balik awal.  I malas la nak pok-pek kannn....kenapa tak sound mc#2 tu.  Dia pun selalu balik awal...laaaaagiii awal. 


I don't know why; selalunya i never bother apa orang nak cakap/buat.  Humans right; do/say anything as you wish...i'll never bother, jangan membabitkan i sudah.  But i think there's something not right and sincere about Bini.  I thought zaman orang nak dengki2 ni semua dah takde; but i'm wrong.  I never trust anything that came from her mouth.  She might be nice and sweet to you but i doubt the sincerity.  If any other person on earth says something sweet, i might take that as compliments; but any puji2an from her i took it as something that i should think about; she might mean the other way round.  Maybe i'm being too paranoid here but for me, friendship is something that's based on trust and sincerity no matter how close atau tidaknya kita.  Kalau sekali i have doubt, it's gonna be a really hard work to gain it back from me.


Being in my place now, at this age, with whatever little things and companions i have surround me dah cukup to make me a happy person.  I'm grateful for everything i have, i'm blessed; and i hope nothing will change the way i feel.  I don't wanna be orang yang besar kepala, yang tak reti2 nak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.  I hope to have only positive thoughts towards other people.  Walaupun mulut tak berenti2 membebel kat PK, but it's my way of letting out and releasing myself and idak le i nak simpan dalam hati or berdendam bagai kannn.  Lagipun i tau, kalau i tak membebel kat PK, hidup dia akan gundah gulana; she'll miss my ramblings...hehe.